{"id":4535,"date":"2026-09-30T07:41:08","date_gmt":"2026-09-30T07:41:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.go3fun.co\/poly-blog\/?p=4535"},"modified":"2026-09-30T08:26:09","modified_gmt":"2026-09-30T08:26:09","slug":"what-is-a-side","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.go3fun.co\/poly-blog\/what-is-a-side\/","title":{"rendered":"What Is a Side? The Answer, Before Anything Else"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

A lot of men spend years assuming they are doing gay<\/a> wrong. They like what they like, they avoid what they do not, and they decide the problem is them. Then they hear one word and the whole thing rearranges.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So what is a side<\/strong>? Someone who does not center anal penetration and finds sex in everything else. The shorthand is everything but butt, and it is accurate enough to repeat. A side is not a bottom in denial, not asexual, and not a person with less desire.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dr. Joe Kort, a sex and relationship therapist, coined the term in 2013. The word also names a side of a triangle and the Christian labels for how churches treat same-sex relationships. We will untangle both below.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Definition: Sex Without Penetration at the Center<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
\"Timeline<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

What is a side, precisely? Someone who does not enjoy or pursue anal penetration in either role, and who finds sex in everything else.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The list runs long: kissing, oral sex, rimming, mutual masturbation, body contact, and every kind of friction two bodies can make. The word says nothing about which genders you are attracted to. It describes what you do, not who you want.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The term comes from Dr. Joe Kort, a sex and relationship therapist. On April 16, 2013, he published an essay called “Guys on the Side: Looking Beyond Gay Tops and Bottoms.” The word arrived as a joke.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kort told friends he had never had anal sex and did not enjoy it. They said, then you are neither a top nor a bottom. He said he was a side, picturing a box, and everyone laughed. Later he wondered why it could not be a real word.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kort is a side himself, which is part of why the word landed. The definition has widened since.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

His first version covered only people who never have or enjoy penetration. Men used it more loosely, and the label followed. That is where side vers comes from: someone who mostly sides and occasionally tops or bottoms.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What a side is not matters too, because each misreading has a reason. The bottom-in-denial reading arrives most often. Asexuality comes second.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A side is not working through a fetish, a phase, or a punishment<\/strong>. And a side is not a verdict on anyone else’s sex life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Foreplay and masturbation are still sex. They are not the warm-up for the real thing. The assumption that penetration is required<\/strong> is what needed correcting, not the person who skips it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Top, Bottom, Vers, Side: The Four Roles Side by Side<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
\"Top,<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

The vocabulary treats this as a three-way choice. It has been four since 2022, and the fourth is not a variation on the others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/th>Top<\/th>Bottom<\/th>Vers<\/th>Side<\/th><\/tr><\/thead>
What it describes<\/td>The insertive partner<\/td>The receptive partner<\/td>Someone who does both<\/td>Someone who does not center penetration<\/td><\/tr>
What they do<\/td>Penetrates<\/td>Receives<\/td>Moves between the two<\/td>Kissing, oral, rimming, mutual masturbation, friction<\/td><\/tr>
What they look for<\/td>A receptive partner<\/td>An insertive partner<\/td>Flexibility either way<\/td>A partner who does not need penetration<\/td><\/tr>
What it does not tell you<\/td>Whether they will bottom sometimes<\/td>Whether they will top sometimes<\/td>Which way they lean tonight<\/td>Whether they top or bottom at all<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

A position is what you do in one encounter. A role is the identity you carry into dating. Side is a role and a practice<\/strong>, not a position you take during a single act, even though that is the drop-down it sits in.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

People call it a position because of where the field lives, not because the word means that. A drop-down is not a definition.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Two contractions trip people up, and both answer the question with a qualifier instead of a no. What is a side bottom? Loose shorthand for someone who leans receptive but does not center penetration. Side vers is Kort’s own term for someone who mostly sides and occasionally tops or bottoms.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The original definition was narrower than both, covering only people who never have or enjoy penetration. It widened because men used it that way, and that is how a language grows.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

None of the four boxes is permanent. Some people side only while single, or only with men. Some top for a decade and then stop. Vers people<\/a> know this best, since most were something else first.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The label describes where you are now, not a sentence you serve.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Which Side Do You Mean? Triangles, Theology, and the Term You’re Looking For<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

“Side” is a small word doing several jobs. It names an edge of a triangle, a set of church positions, and a way of having sex. Here is how to tell them apart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The geometry sense names one of the three edges that enclose a triangle. The theology sense comes from Christian writers who label churches by how they treat same-sex relationships: Side A affirms them, Side B welcomes the person without blessing the relationship, while Side X and Side Y take harder lines.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The third meaning is the one this page covers. In gay and queer terms, what is a side? A person who does not center anal penetration and finds sex in everything else: kissing, oral sex, rimming, mutual masturbation and other friction. That is the term you are looking for, and it has nothing to do with angles or congregations<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What Sides Actually Do: Outercourse, Frottage, and the Rest<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
\"Three<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

What is a side in bed? A vocabulary most people were never handed, and half the reason the word goes unrecognized is that nobody named what they were already doing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Outercourse is the umbrella term: sex without penetration of the mouth, the vagina or the anus<\/strong>. The word entered use in 1986 and picked up speed around 2017, when people began using it to talk about the orgasm gap.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The repertoire:<\/p>\n\n\n\n